From relaxing wind-down mixes to pump-up gym tunes, many of us intuitively turn to music to boost our mood or ease our stress.
But can music — in particular, the simple act of creating a personal playlist — help us deal with grief?
To find out, Brown University medical student Diana Wang worked with individuals from HopeHealth’s grief support groups. The response has been powerful: “The process made me feel deeply alive in a way I haven’t in months,” shared one participant.
Here’s how to make your own grief playlist.
> Are you coping with grief and loss? HopeHealth offers free, virtual grief support groups.
Step 1. Choose your “why.”
First things first: “What role do you want this playlist to have in your life?” asks Diana.
For example, do you want to:
- Capture a snapshot of your grief journey?
- Reflect on the relationship you shared with your loved one?
- Honor your loved one with music that represents them?
- Reflect on your own sense of self — past, present and/or future?
- Boost your mood when you’re feeling down?
Tip: At first, it’s usually easiest to create a playlist based on just one goal. If you have multiple goals, consider making multiple playlists — one for each.
Step 2. Identify key words and themes.
Make a list: What emotions, themes and/or memories do you want your playlist to embody?
“Let’s try to name that feeling,” says Diana. “Just that element of reflection can be valuable.”
For example, one HopeHealth participant decided her playlist would have the theme “change.” Throughout the process, that theme was her North Star.
Tip: It can be tough putting feelings into words. For a visual aid, try searching online for “feelings wheel.”
Step 3. Search for music in Spotify or another online platform.
Here’s where technology comes in.
Some streaming platforms, like Spotify and Amazon Music, are free with ads (and if you spring for a subscription, you get additional features). Others, like Apple Music and YouTube Music, require a subscription to make playlists. Play around with the options and see which you prefer.
Then take the feelings and themes that you identified above, and plug them into the search bar.
Tip: When it comes to music, old favorites can be a wonderful way to reminisce and work through emotions. At the same time, try to stay open to new genres and artists. “Discovering something new can be empowering, especially during times of change,” says Diana.
Step 4. Listen — really listen.
In a quiet moment, take time to listen to each song and consider: How does it make you feel?
Of course, lyrics can be one factor. Don’t stop there, though.
Also pay attention to:
- Timbre: How different instruments sound, separately and together
- Rhythm and tempo: How fast or slow; even or swingy
- Dynamics: How soft or loud
“All these different elements can bring out different emotions,” says Diana.
Step 5. Select your songs.
Select the songs that resonate with you. This is all about going with your gut.
“It’s whatever holds meaning for you. That’s what has the most power,” says Diana. “For some people, it might be heavy metal. For some, it might be classic rock. It’s a personal experience.”
Play around with grouping or ordering songs in different ways until the playlist progresses in a way that feels natural to you.
> Read: Finding solace: Top books & online resources for navigating grief
Step 6. Make music part of your routine.
“It takes time to pull together something like this,” says Diana. “For the individuals I’m working with, we spend about three weeks building a single playlist. “
- When is your playlist complete? It’s up to you. If you’re not sure, aim for 25 to 30 songs —allowing room to represent many distinct facets of your grief.
- Repeat daily. “Spend 15 to 20 minutes a day listening to music and building your playlist. Treat it like learning to ride a bike for the first time,” suggests Diana. “Daily reflection and soul-searching is key to processing your feelings.”
- Integrate it into your routine. Once you’ve put the finishing touches on your playlist, pair it with another thoughtful activity in your day, like driving or walking.
Finally: If this activity resonates with you, keep going.
“Music is so powerful for healing and reflection,” says Diana. “You’ll have different feelings and experiences at different points in your grief journey. Take those experiences, and use them to create new music playlists.”
Are you coping with grief and loss? Find a virtual grief support group or reach out at (888) 528-9077 or CenterforHopeandHealing@HopeHealthCo.org.