When Olivia Gould was a kid, she loved visiting her grandparents in their nursing home. She also loved visiting their neighbors.
“I was 7 or 8 years old, and I’d go around and visit with all the residents,” she says.
Today, as a social worker for HopeHealth’s hospice team, she’s still bringing smiles to long-term care communities — with a special focus on patients with dementia, and their families.
In honor of Social Work Month, she answers a few questions about this important calling.
> Learn how to get started with hospice care.
You’re part of a HopeHealth team that visits patients in nursing homes and assisted living communities. How does that work?
Olivia: These long-term care communities have their own staff, of course. But our hospice team can come in and offer extra support to patients and families from an end-of-life perspective.
We can give them that one-on-one attention they might not get otherwise — bonding with them, reflecting on their life, talking about any of their fears. Some families need help with long-term planning. Some patients just need someone to hold their hand awhile. Whatever it is, it’s a privilege to be invited into that space.
> Checklist: What to look for in a hospice provider
How do you connect with patients who have dementia or cognitive impairment?
I think of that quote: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” A lot of my patients don’t remember my name, and they can’t explain what I said or did. We can still make an impact, though.
If they’re at an activity, I’ll ask if I can join them. Or if they’re relaxing in their room, I’ll ask about family photos. A lot of my patients love animals: When I walk in, they’ll have Animal Planet on. So we talk about animals. I bought a book about dog breeds that we flip through together. They love seeing pictures of my mutt, Kevin, who’s a complete riot.
Some of my patients don’t realize they’re at the very end of their life — they’ll tell me they’re 25 years old and about to get married. So we talk about those happy times. Another one of my patients is a gentleman whose dementia is still mild. We have some visits where we talk about his loss of independence. But recently, he goes, “I haven’t played cards in so long. Do you want to play cards?” So we found a deck of Go Fish!
I also love using music to connect with patients. When I first started, I remember a woman with very advanced dementia who rarely spoke or interacted, but she loved the song “Copa Cabana.” When that song was playing, she was herself again. It made her so alive, dancing and singing along. With other patients, they’ll grab my hand, and we just hold hands and listen to the music.
> Read: Know someone with dementia? Try these 6 tips for communication
Hospice social workers often help patients do a “life review.” Is this still possible when someone has dementia?
Yes. At the end of life, it’s important for people to be able to reflect on what they’ve done and accomplished — and that’s especially true if they have some sort of dementia or cognitive impairment.
A patient might not remember what they did in the past few days. But if you ask, “Where did you go to school? What did you do for work?” they have all sorts of stories to tell you — things they did when they were younger, that they were really proud of.
As a hospice social worker, how do you help family members?
Some families need support with long-term planning; we can help with that. Some families don’t understand why their loved one is no longer the person they knew; we can review the process of dementia with them, helping them understand that unfortunately this is the natural progression.
Sometimes, it’s just seeing how family members are doing and if they need anything. As social workers, we can help with so many different things, like finding community resources or thinking through practical challenges.
We also offer support as families go through anticipatory grief. They’re losing the person they loved when that person is still alive. Every time they visit, they are grieving their impending loss. We’re here to help them through that. They truly seem to appreciate having that support.
> Read: Grieving before a death: Anticipatory grief and dementia caregivers
Has this work taught you any life lessons?
Often, when I meet a patient in their late 90s or over 100, they’ll tell me they never expected to live so long. And I’ll ask, “What’s the secret? How did you do it?”
Some people say, “Having kids,” or “Being with family.” Or “I have a glass of wine every night.” Ice cream comes up a lot!
There are all sorts of answers. But whatever they say, there’s usually one common theme: Being happy. It always comes down to that.
I think that’s important for everyone to think about. We’ve been given this time. Whatever it is that makes you happy, let’s do it.